After a brief hiatus, we’re back! If you’re looking for legitimate fantasy football guidance, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. All advice contained within this article is entirely satirical and should only be implemented for comedic purposes. I hold no responsibility for your fantasy football team if you follow these suggestions, but I will respect you a hell of a lot more for it. This is Terrible Fantasy Advice.
Start ‘Em
- Devin Singletary (RB): Imagine the humiliation your opponent will feel when they lose to a lineup that includes Singletary.
- Cooper Kupp (WR): You haven’t taken him out of your lineup all year, so why start now?
- Myles Gaskin (RB): Experienced Gaskin managers know the rule: always start him on odd-numbered weeks. Guaranteed points.
Sit ‘Em
- Younghoe Koo (K): Mark my words, Koo will score 0 points this week. If I’m wrong I swear to never speak about fantasy football again.
- Dak Prescott (QB): Turns out Dak has the Chiefs defense on his fantasy team, so he’ll probably go easy on them this weekend.
- Los Angeles Chargers (D/ST): Sure, the Chargers are at home against a depleted Steelers team led by Mason Rudolph. But have you tried overthinking it?
Buy-Lows
- D.J. Moore (WR): Cam Newton is officially back, and you can definitely talk yourself into it as long as you’ve erased 2020 from your mind.
- Courtland Sutton (WR): Just because I can’t think of a good reason to trade for him doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
Sell-Highs
- Lamar Jackson (QB): He’s missed 2 practices this week due to illness and has now been sick 3 separate times in 2021. Sell him before he infects the rest of your team.
- Mike Williams (WR): It’s simple: hack into your fantasy platform and erase the last 5 weeks from Williams’ game log, then watch the offers come rolling in.
Waivers
- Mike Thomas (WR): The league somehow hasn’t caught on yet, but Michael Thomas changed his name and is now playing for the Bengals. Grab him while you can.
- Jeff Driskel (TE): Driskel made the switch from QB to TE this week, and while I have no idea what that means for fantasy purposes, it is super cool.
- Ty’Son Williams (RB): The Ravens released Le’Veon Bell! It’s finally happening! TY’SZN BABY! LEAGUE WINNER!
Tip of the Week
If you’re the commissioner of a boring league, try spicing things up by randomly moving a few players around between teams. Your leaguemates are sure to appreciate the excitement that comes with finding out Jared Goff is their new starting QB.
