Terrible Fantasy Advice: Week 7

fantasy football eli manning

If you’re looking for legitimate fantasy football guidance, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. All advice contained within this article is entirely satirical and should only be implemented for comedic purposes. I hold no responsibility for your fantasy team if you follow these suggestions, but I will respect you a hell of a lot more for it. This is Terrible Fantasy Advice.

Start ‘Em

  • Ty’Son Williams (RB): Ty’Son was obviously just holding off until week 7 to test his managers’ faith. Prepare to be rewarded.
  • Davis Mills (QB): All the recent trade rumors have lit a fire within Mills. This will be the week he proves that teams have been trying to trade for the wrong Texans QB.
  • Travis Kelce (TE): It’s National Tight Ends Day this Sunday, so I recommend starting every TE you can get your hands on. Fill your flex positions with TEs to show that you care.

Sit ‘Em

  • CeeDee Lamb (WR): Even though he wasn’t flagged for it, expect Lamb to suffer some  serious karma from that egregious taunting at the end of last week’s game.
  • Los Angeles Rams (D/ST): Do you really think the Rams will be able to contain Jared Goff and his explosive passing attack? I’m calling it right now, Lions get their first win this week.
  • Lamar Jackson (QB): Jackson has yet to complete a single pass against the Bengals this season, so I’d find another option as soon as possible.

Buy-Lows

  • Zach Ertz (TE): As soon as Ertz joins the Cardinals, he should absorb 90% of the team’s targets and most if not every TD for the rest of the season. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  • Chris Carson (RB): I’m no doctor, but I don’t think neck injuries are that serious. Carson should be fine in a week or two.

Sell-Highs

  • Derrick Henry (RB): The wheels have to fall off at some point, right? It’s like they always say: “never hold onto a productive RB for more than three weeks.”
  • Kadarius Toney (WR): Capitalize on the hype before it’s too late. If there’s one thing I know about fantasy football, it’s that reddit is always wrong.

Waivers

  • Jason Myers (K): If I really have to explain why you should spend all of your remaining FAAB on 2018 Pro Bowl kicker Jason Myers, then you don’t deserve to have him anyways.
  • Mike Thomas (WR): No, not Saints WR Michael Thomas. I’m talking about Bengals WR Mike Thomas. Grabbing obscure players with familiar names is a great way to confuse your opponents.
  • Allen Robinson (WR): It’s basically a rule that every manager has to pick up and play Robinson for at least one week before dropping him back to the wire.

Tip of the Week

Try implementing a punishment for the last place finish in your fantasy leagues. There’s no motivation quite like a persistent, sustained fear. Our loser has to set their phone wallpaper to Boss Baby until the 2022 NFL season begins, and the league’s never been more alive.

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