Terrible Fantasy Advice: Week 9

fantasy football eli manning

If you’re looking for legitimate fantasy football guidance, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place. All advice contained within this article is entirely satirical and should only be implemented for comedic purposes. I hold no responsibility for your fantasy team if you follow these suggestions, but I will respect you a hell of a lot more for it. This is Terrible Fantasy Advice.

Start ‘Em

  • Albert Okwuegbunam (TE): At the very least, you should start Okwuegbunam to confuse your opponent. It takes an hour just to Google his name.
  • Mike Davis (RB): This is the week he finally pays out on his 5th-round draft price, I can feel it.
  • David Johnson (RB): It’s obvious that David Culley didn’t use Johnson last week in order to keep their new game plan a surprise. Start him with the utmost confidence.

Sit ‘Em

  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB): Tua doesn’t want to be traded to the Texans, so I bet he’ll tank on purpose this week and convince them to look elsewhere.
  • Chris Boswell (K): Did you see that hit Boswell took on a fake field goal try last week? There’s no way he’ll be able to kick straight after that.
  • Josh Allen (QB): You have to hope that Allen scores enough fantasy points before inevitably sitting after halftime.

Buy-Lows

Sell-Highs

  • Justin Fields (QB): Sure, Fields looked great against the 49ers. But Matt Nagy is expected to return from the COVID list and coach again this week, so I’d get out while you still can.
  • Cooper Kupp (WR): Give him to me, Eric. Accept the trade.

Waivers

  • Adrian Peterson (RB): 36-year-old RBs succeed all the time, right?
  • Mike White (QB): The Bengals allowed 17 points to the Ravens but 34 to the Jets. By that logic, White is two times better than Lamar Jackson.
  • Derrick Henry (RB): Losing a valuable bench spot for the rest of the season is definitely worth the slim chance that you have an RB1 for championship week.

Tip of the Week

If you want a really unorthodox draft strategy, I recommend filling your entire bench with the best kickers and/or defenses. Other fantasy football teams will have no choice but to trade with your special teams monopoly.

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