Fantasy Football: The Worst Draft Possible

It’s a beautiful time of year for football fans. Training camps and preseason games are officially underway and the fantasy football rumor mill has been thrown into overdrive. Drafts are rapidly approaching for most leagues, and you know what that means: it’s mock draft season.

You don’t have to look far for mock draft articles. They’re being pumped out at frankly, an insane rate. It’s easy to find advice for any strategy, from any position, for any type of league. But with all that variety, I’ve never seen a piece discussing the players you shouldn’t pick, or the draft you don’t want to have.

Today we’ll be talking about the hypothetical worst draft possible, filled with all my least favorite players. In the pursuit of realism, Daniel Jones will not be our first pick. Instead I’ll stay within the tiers of each round and only take players that have a reasonable ADP for that situation, producing a believable draft that you can use as an example for what to avoid this coming season. Let’s get to it.

Pick 1.6: Joe Mixon (RB – CIN)

How else to start a bad draft than to take Mixon 6th overall? Most logical mocks have Mixon falling to the 2nd round, but he’s still in that tier of workhorse RBs and I really couldn’t pass him up. He’s by far the most unreliable of the early options and reports out of Bengals training camp haven’t been very optimistic. Even if Mixon does manage to thrive this year, there’s no way I should’ve taken him over guys like Alvin Kamara and Nick Chubb. We’re off to a great (terrible) start.

Pick 2.7: D’Andre Swift (RB – DET)

Honestly, there’s not many ways you can go wrong in the 2nd round. Even though Swift is my least favorite option of this bunch, he’s still a very talented back with upside. But with the concerns around splitting receiving work with Jamaal Williams, the Lions’ projected bottom-tier offense, and a lingering groin injury that’s kept him out of practice, I’m extremely nervous about Swift this season. Definitely should have gone with a locked-in WR like Calvin Ridley instead.

Pick 3.6: Michael Thomas (WR – NO)

Listen, I know Thomas isn’t really going in the 3rd round anymore. It seems like Sleeper hasn’t yet updated his ADP but we absolutely need him on our terrible team, so I’m reaching. I actually took Thomas in the 3rd round of a real draft in June, so maybe I’m just trying to repent for my transgressions. Regardless, Thomas is set to miss roughly a third of the season on a team with QB controversy and a great defense. All are bad signs for the 2019 OPOY. Alternatively, I could have grabbed one of the great TEs here in Darren Waller.

Pick 4.7: Kenny Golladay (WR – NYG)

Who should I take here, CeeDee Lamb, the potential second-year breakout WR on a fantastic offense? Darrell Henderson, the 3-down back on a run-first team? Nah, let’s go with Golladay, the injured WR1 on a team with an extremely crowded receiving corps, questionable QB play, and an awful offensive line. This team makes my head hurt.

Pick 5.6: Odell Beckham Jr. (WR – CLE)

If we were in 2018, I might actually be happy with this draft. But this is the future space year 2021 and all three of our receivers are risky at best. The Browns are still a run-first team, and Odell hasn’t had a top-20 year at his position since he moved to Cleveland. There are a plethora of receiving options on this team, especially with reports of second-year WR Donovan Peoples-Jones impressing at training camp. Beckham is still as talented as they come, but I’d be much happier taking Cooper Kupp or Lamar Jackson here.

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Pick 6.7: Noah Fant (TE – DEN)

This pick is more about the position than it is about the player. If you can’t get one of the top TEs, I usually wouldn’t bother reaching for a mediocre option in the mid-rounds. There are plenty of late TEs with huge upside this season, so streaming is a solid option if you don’t have a set-and-forget kind of guy. We could have had Brandon Aiyuk or Courtland Sutton with this pick, both of which are much more promising fantasy football prospects.

Pick 7.6: David Johnson (RB – HOU)

It’s a bit weird to say, but I like almost all of the 7th round options this year. Players like Curtis Samuel, Tee Higgins, and Zack Moss all have solid potential for mid-round picks. Johnson, however, is an exception. The 2016 fantasy football superstar is now buried as the RB3 on a bad Texans roster behind Mark Ingram for God’s sake. Even if Johnson beats out Phillip Lindsay for receiving work, the dump-off passes won’t be as common from a mobile QB like Tyrod Taylor.

Pick 8.7: James Conner (RB – ARI)

It physically pains me to make this pick with Damien Harris, Jerry Jeudy, and Brandin Cooks still on the board. Each one of those players offers more upside than Conner, who has to split rushing work with Chase Edmonds as well as QB Kyler Murray. There’s basically no chance Conner ends up with any of the receiving work and his goal line opportunities will likely be capped by Murray as well. D’Andre Swift is looking pretty good in retrospect.

Pick 9.6: Marquise Brown (WR – BAL)

I’ve been targeting mid-tier QBs like Ryan Tannehill and Matthew Stafford in the 8th round of most drafts, and they fell all the way to the 9th in this one. But no good ideas allowed here, so I ended up with Brown as my WR4. I don’t trust Brown for all the reasons I don’t trust Beckham: crowded WR room, run-first offense, great defense. On top of all that, he’s been dealing with a hamstring injury in training camp.

Pick 10.7: DeVante Parker (WR – MIA)

Both Antonio Brown and Corey Davis were taken before our turn this round, but it’s not like I was going to take them anyways. Even if Tua Tagovailoa breaks out in 2021 (and I believe he will), Parker will most likely disappoint. The addition of Will Fuller and Jaylen Waddle makes Parker the #3 or #4 target behind Mike Gesicki. Couple that with a training camp injury, and he’s perfect for our terrible fantasy football team.

Pick 11.6: Jared Goff (QB – DET)

There’s a lot of weight in having the “worst” QB on your team, so I ended up reaching for him in the 11th just to make sure. Goff is projected to be a part of one of the lowest-scoring offenses this season. With no real receiving weapons outside of T.J. Hockenson, there’s a very low chance he has reliable fantasy football production. Our team will love the occasional TD passes from Goff to Swift, but it’s anyone’s guess as to how many of those we’ll get.

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Pick 12.7: Evan Engram (TE – NYG)

A promising TE2 like Adam Trautman or Cole Kmet can really help bolster the depth of a good fantasy football team. But we aren’t a good fantasy team, so I went with Evan Engram. If you’re wondering why I’m so low on Engram, go read the Golladay portion of this article again and then let me remind you how much more talented Golladay is as a football player. Welcome aboard, Evan.

Pick 13.6: Latavius Murray (RB – NO)

To round out my RB depth I took a backup that might not even make the Saints’ final roster. Murray has shown flashes of potential, especially when Kamara was injured, but it seems like the team might be moving on with the addition of Devonta Freeman. Probably should have gone with a legitimate league-winning backup like Alexander Mattison or Chuba Hubbard.

Pick 14.7: Cam Newton (QB – NE)

Newton was the last QB selected in this draft, and for good reason. The final pick for this bad team is a disappointing QB that could lose his job to a rookie at practically any time. Newton looked awful in their preseason game against Washington, especially in comparison to Mac Jones. I don’t expect Newton to find much success this season. Jameis Winston and Drew Lock are also fighting for their starting jobs, but I believe both have a better chance of winning as well as a higher ceiling when given that opportunity.